God Promises

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Blogging, Creativity, Inspirational, Media, Poetry, Reflection, Social Media, Spiritual, Writing

God promises to give me strong

legs to run,

To restore my muscles in my

feet to walk,

To give me the endurance

to stand,

To give me strength in

mind, body, and soul,

To give me the stamina to go on.

He promises a total restoration of

health and well-being,

and bestow many blessings upon me.

How do I know this?

Because God promises these

things all to me,

He loves me so.

God promises a reflection of hope,

grace and faith,

Jesus Christ is real,

True and magnificent.

Through Him, there is

anything possible.

I walk by sight,

Not by ignorance,

I see His glory in everything.

In this old world,

we tend to live through

our own fears and doubts.

Do not be deceived,

Do not walk in darkness,

As the rest of the world,

Do not take on problems

of the modern world,

But look upward,

Toward heaven to Jesus

and God’s promises.

Recognizing Denial

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Blogging, Connecting, Inspirational, Media, Networking, Reflection, Social Media

A few weeks ago, I watched a program on the Dr. Phil show. It presented Sarah Jakes, who is the daughter of T.D. Jakes, one of America’s most beloved ministers to hit the media. At 13 years of age, she became pregnant and became a mother by age 14. She went on to have the baby, graduate from high school, and be accepted into college. However, at 19, she dropped out of college and started to dance nude at a local nightclub. Sarah claimed she had very low self-esteem when younger and any attention was better than no attention at all, no matter how degrading or offensive to her.

This show was meant for me. In fact, it is freeing after over 40 years. I too had very low self-esteem as a young teenager. Making good grades in middle school (practically straight A’s in every subject), my grades started to decline in highschool. What was worse than poor grades, were my parents’ attitude toward me. When I was 13 years of age, I was approached and sexually molested by a family member (not blood-related). My parents tried to keep it quiet and conceal it from the public, but I was psychologically damaged.

Once I told my parents what happened, the response I got was repulsive. “We stopped it,” was the response. The person who victimized me told my mother it was my imagination as if I made up the whole thing. But I did not, and I have a witness to it.

I didn’t get pregnant nor have a baby. Neither did I drop out of college nor dance nude in a nightclub. I did suffer internally for years, sought professional counseling, and even dated and married an attorney. But truth be known, the psychological damage traveled to my marriage. It caused problems with me and my husband. One reason I am divorced today with no children.

I believe I majored in Abnormal Psychology in college to better understand myself and what I was going through at the time. No wonder my self-esteem was so low. I felt like crap. Adults have a hard enough time with sex. Just think about children. They don’t have the maturity or mental capacity to understand fully what is going on, although children are expected to act appropriately.

When your children speak to you, please listen. Don’t shovel it under the rug, as if to hide it. You are only hurting your child more. Be a protective parent. It happened, but I can not change the past. I can only be aware that it does exist and in wonderful families too.

A Moment of Prayer

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Blogging, Connecting, Inspirational, Reflection

My mother was a private person. She would not like this post. But she lived an exemplary life. Her journey came to an end on March 23, 2020, after suffering from a heart attack and internal bleeding. Our family buried her on March 28. Mom taught gifted children in public schools and was extremely smart. Mom was a beautiful lady with a loving kind heart. She always did for her family, spouse, and children. She will be missed.

Today, a second cousin was buried after contracting the coronavirus and passed on April 10. He was of great intellect and a writer as well. His book was translated into German, as well as English. He taught American students of military families while living in Germany. He had served in the American Army in Germany for two years.

During this COVID-19 crisis, we are experiencing social distancing and staying at home. There is a lot less social interaction than usual. But I feel it is a time for prayers and to thank our blessings for what we have. I have much to be thankful for, a wonderful family and others who always lend a helping hand. People have been very kind, dropping off meals at the house and being quite helpful.

More specifically, it enlightens my heart that others are generous, even in challenging times. Please take a moment to say a prayer for all those dealing with the devastation of the coronavirus. Not just for the individuals lost, but for the families dealing with grief and sorrow. These are unusual times, but we can cope by helping each other.

God Bless you and your family. Please stay healthy and safe.

Time of Sorrow

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Blogging, Connecting, Reflection, Spiritual

I lost my sweet mother on Monday, March 23rd. She was 90 years old and lived a good long life, but that doesn’t ease the pain. I am numb and my heart is heavy. Will my heart ever stop hurting?

Mom was a beautiful lady. She was kind and always offered a helping hand to those in need. She will be greatly missed by all. We assume our parents will live forever. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they did?

With all this rain, I feel tears from heaven, mourning the passing of a wonderful soul. But what makes me feel better is knowing that Mom is in a better place and out of pain. She is no longer suffering. Her spirit lives on and in my heart.

Uncertain Times – COVID-19

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Blogging, Networking, Reflection

These are certainly trying times for everyone. There are over 6K reported cases of the coronavirus COVID-19 now in the United States, 60 being very serious. How does a virus spread so fast? Many schools are closed for at least two weeks, businesses are shut down until further notice, even local hospitals are on lockdown with no visitations whatsoever. Today, more government offices closed. It seems that the town has literally shut down.

President Trump’s nonchalant attitude at the beginning of last week indicating that this virus will “go away by itself” is evidently incorrect. It shows either carelessness on his part or he didn’t dig deeper into the source of this virus. The virus originally came from Wuhan, Republic of China (Hubei Province), the largest and most populous city in Central China. There are 11 million people that live there. It affects mostly highly-populated areas and spreads rapidly with human contact (large crowds, social events, and gatherings).

Over the past two months, it has reached the U.S. Washington was the first state to report the virus. About 60 people at Kirkland Senior Living were affected by the coronavirus COVID-19 (both patients and staff members). It was then when Americans got their first alert of the rampant epidemic. Although media covered the spreading of the virus, it is more rampant than originally thought.

A question still remains why Chinese officials didn’t notify American officials sooner of the outbreak of the virus. Was it a deliberate act or a coverup? It shows irresponsibility on China’s part and their unwillingness to help in the prevention of the spreading of the virus. There had to be some conscious decision-making; a virus simply doesn’t treat itself or dissolve. Yes, I am mad and damn mad! Surely, China’s medical professionals are smart enough to know a pandemic outbreak. Americans are exposed to the coronavirus COVID-19 which should have been prevented in the first place.

I’m really appalled and shocked that so many states are affected by this virus. It’s an international epidemic now, not just domestic. PLEASE COMMENT TO THIS POST. DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL THE WEIGHT OF THIS VIRUS OR DO YOU THINK IT WILL BLOW OVER EVENTUALLY? I would love to hear opinions and feedback from others. I’m getting cabin fever staying inside. May you and your families stay healthy and safe.

 

Surgery Date Finally Set

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Blogging, Inspirational, Media, Networking, Reflection

My surgery date has finally been scheduled – July 18th. I was getting a little discouraged, thinking the doctor’s office would never call. It only took four months (being sarcastic), but as long as it’s scheduled, that is fine. I will be having a lesser surgery. No ankle surgery, but splicing the tendon to release tension in the foot. I hope it helps to alleviate the pain I’ve been having in my left foot and left knee. I will be hospitalized and then going into rehab afterward. I will be having a pre-surgery consultation at the surgeon’s office and the hospital on July 1st. I have awaited this surgery for a long time. Please remember me in your prayers.

Has God Given His Final Word?

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Blogging, Inspirational, Networking, Reflection, Spiritual

I was all set to have foot surgery on June 5th. This has been coming for a long time. Hindsight told me that I should of had this several years ago, but didn’t. When I went into see the surgeon last Friday for a pre-surgical consultation, I was hit with a surprise. He said he had bad news for me. He explained that major surgery would be too risky for me. He wasn’t going to do the surgery at all. After a disappointing answer, I felt like I was going to cry. When I told him that my left foot continues in pain when I stand or walk on it, he reluctantly seemed genial to do a lesser procedure. He would not touch the ankle or the toes, but transport the tight tendon putting pressure on my foot. I’m literally walking on the side of my left foot because its too painful to walk on it.

Why would the surgeon have a tentative surgery date scheduled and then cancel it? Only God knows the correct answer to this question. I’m as baffled as you are. When I asked the surgery scheduler, she said that the doctor was worried about recovery time. The surgeon must have talked to my neurologist at Emory. He brought up that major surgery could make my condition worse and cause problems. Plus, the time under general anesthesia was questionable. It is advisable not to use certain drugs with LEMS. Surely, I’m not the first person with an autoimmune condition to come through his office. On the last visit before last Friday, the doctor said he had other complicated cases. Last Friday, he said I was very complicated and very high risk for that type surgery.

I’m stumped, but I know my sisters have been praying that if it isn’t God’s will, surgery would be stopped. I guess this is God’s way of say “no, not this time.” Hopefully, my condition will improve overtime. I’ve been dealing with this almost nine years. It gets old and one loses hope as time goes on. The constant infusions I wish would go away, but it’s understandable that keeps one healthy. I feel the infusions deplete me. Is it possible to find an alternative treatment? I keep praying that God will show His glory, His mercy and fill me with His Holy Spirit. I accept my fate, but I feel I need to concentrate on what I can do, not what I can’t do. Everyone handicaps me. They mean well and are just helping, but I feel I’m enabled physically. I want to say to others, “Please don’t help me unless I ask for help. I was born with a brain; I can use it.”

Other than that, I’m praying for my niece on Tuesday, who will give birth to her baby daughter. Let her get through delivery safely for her and the baby. We need more girls in the family. So far, boys have dominated in my parents’ great-grandchildren’s department. I pray for my parents. I pray for peace and contentment with family members and close friends. God Bless You as each and everyone of you go through another week. May God shed His grace on thee.

I Never Said I Didn’t like God

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Blogging, Creativity, Inspirational, Networking, Reflection, Social Media, Writing

The other day, I was having a discussion with my sister. Somehow the conversation turned that I was mad at God. I didn’t say that nor meant to imply that. I do like God. In fact, I love Him. I believe I am a very intelligent person, but I put my foot in my mouth at times. On the other hand, I am also a very talented person, but seem to have problems with explaining myself. This is especially true with family members. This seems to be an emotional and stressful week for us.

I feel when there is nothing else to say, that is the time to be silent. Silence is “golden” is the rule here. After all is said and done, no one comes out the winner. How do you win a losing battle? But I do love my family. Their opinions are just that – their opinions. I respect their opinions; they need to respect mine.

This disagreement started last year with some family problems at home. The discussion led to a book I had written in the past. One family member thought the book represented an anti-God image. What it represented was the culture of Egypt and their customs. I wrote on their history, their food and their culture. There was a story too, but fictious. There was a dream denoting some dark feelings, but that was conducive to the story. The main character finds herself in a state of uncertainty until the truth is revealed in the story. It is discovered that she suffers from Lupus, an autoimmune disease. I write about the similarities with my medical condition.

However, what family members don’t realize is that I sell books that way. My books contain action, suspense and mystery. I write historical novels, fictious and created to inspire the imagination of others. That is what I write on. I like to motivate and inspire people. I am not a spiritual writer. I feel if family members want a book written on Christian “pure” ethics, they need to write a book themselves. I feel their narrowmindedness lacks the understanding to open their minds to creativity and artistic values.

While I do believe in Christ, I feel He is all around us. I feel His love and His power. I do worship Christ. I am not a fanatic; I don’t read the Bible 24 hours a day. But I do express my Christian beliefs and values through love and understanding. I feel He has brought me to write for many reasons, all good reasons. I won’t apologize for writing what I enjoy.  I will continue to write as it brings me happiness and purpose in life.

 

Update

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Blogging, Reflection

My neurologist wrote me through the Emory patient portal tonight. I contacted his office yesterday. I do not have Charcot Marie Tooth Disease. I can believe my neurologist I’ve seen for 9 years other than an orthopedic surgeon I’ve seen only twice in my life. Dr. Esper said the disease is a completely and totally different thing. I’m glad to be reassured and Dr. Esper has always answered my questions.

It is good to ask and be sure. That is a big relief. I’m still considering DNA testing for the rare autoimmune condition. I’ve wasted so much time before in other areas. I believe my concentration should be on finishing this newest book and also sending Saga of the Ages away to a script writer. I want the book to be looked at as a potential movie script one day. I told my physical therapist of my dream today. She said why not. Even if I don’t succeed this time, I can try again in the future. What do I have to lose?

On the lighter side, information you might also be interested in. If someone is contacting you through social media and you don’t feel comfortable, you can do something about it. You don’t have to tolerate it or take it. Ignoring it sometimes doesn’t solve the problem either. If you tell this person you wish not to be contacted and they persist, there are steps to take. I contacted an attorney yesterday about rights.

Someone can give an opinion on your social media (blog, twitter, facebook, etc). It is going beyond that to actual defamation of character that warrants action. I did what the attorney told me. Hopefully, I won’t hear back. I’m not impressed with persistence, especially if that person doesn’t get it the first time. In other words, it can also be classified as harassment if it persists.

We Called Him John

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Blogging, Reflection, Writing

Fighting off travel on an Atlanta highway, a couple was anxious to get to the hospital.   It was mid-afternoon and soon the Atlanta people would be getting off work. Traffic would be worse. Earlier that day, there was a call that a young woman had gone into labor. Heavy into labor by the time the couple had arrived at the hospital, the young woman was attended by her mother, standing by her bedside. In addition, the brother of the young woman in labor had also come into the room. Where was the biological father?

The anxious couple entered the hospital room. The baby still had awhile to be born. After a couple of hours, we were told it was time. Time for the delivery and time for the young woman to push. The gentleman wanted to go call others, while the lady waited in the room.

That couple was my husband Tony and me. We had been trying to conceive a child for over ten years, actually twelve years. Several sperm artificial insemination and fertility procedures led to our decision to adopt a child. Within 20 minutes, the doctor was in the room. The baby’s head was crowning and boy, did he have hair.

It must have been a strong push and the baby was out. I counted his fingers. Yes, he had 10 fingers. I counted his toes. Yes, he had all 10 of them. He was perfect and perfectly made. I cried out to God and gave thanks after a successful delivery without complications. But mostly, I gave thanks that God gave me and my husband a beautiful child. The first time I held him, I cried. I didn’t want to let him go. I held him for ten whole days. We called him John. He was beautiful – blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin.

We got to keep the baby until the tenth day. The very last day the birth mother could come back to reclaim her child. It was torture giving back a child you nurtured for ten days. It ripped me and my husband’s hearts out. We did not try to adopt again. It was too painful an ordeal. There are happy endings for some couples and families. We were not one of those people. John