I’m sitting at the computer and not sure what to write. It has been an eventful week already. I got a good report from my neurologist on Tuesday. The shakiness and weakness I’ve been feeling was not due to my new rituxan infusions; it was more viral in nature, according to my doctor. Rituxan is used to treat certain chronic auto immune disorders and blood disorders/cancers, like leukemia and Non-Hodkins Lymphoma.
I have been falling lately (knees buckle) and getting dizzy while standing up for the past few weeks. I’ve also been bedridden this past week. I thought it was a reaction to my previous infusion in May, but the doctor had a difference in opinion. Although my neurologist is a very good doctor and now Director of Neurology, I still feel some of this illness was caused by the new infusions. There could have been a virus ‘bug’ as well.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that one has to be their best advocate. The individual knows his or her body best. I knew that I felt different after infusions. The doctor advised I was getting standard medication in appropriate increments, both in quantity and frequency. Yet, it is unlikely I will be going off rituxan anytime soon or in the near future.
“No one said life was easy.” This is a true statement. Life gets tough sometimes; we just need to roll with the punches. At times, there is discouragement; even I get discouraged, but find myself bouncing back. I’m not ready to leave this earth yet. I’m still believing that one day there will be a possible cure for my autoimmune disease and cancer. You have to believe in yourself with God’s help and wisdom to get through the tough times.
The other thing I realize is that one has to stop playing the victim role. A perfect example is myself. I don’t want to identify with my disease, rather it is something I can overcome someday. The important concept is to simply enjoy life – even as it comes. There will be rocky roads and bumps along the way with twists and turns. However, one can overcome them with determination.
The mind is a powerful weapon. I have learned the brain and the mind are two different things (Dr. Caroline Leaf). The brain is a physical vortex, which coordinates speech, mobility, language and other various functions within our body, whereas the mind is what one perceives. Physical and emotional healing can come through the mind. I see myself walking normally one day without assistance or support, strength in my muscles and nerves are healed.
The most important thing is to not get down when life doesn’t always go your way. God is in control. He will lead us out of this ‘valley’ of discouragement and conflict. Don’t listen to others that criticize or belittle you. Always follow your heart and don’t give up your dreams for anyone or anything. Take a breather and do something for yourself today – take a walk in a pretty setting, go to the park, watch a new movie at the theater, get a haircut or new hairstyle or enjoy watching the sunset. In summary, be well and happy, my friends.