I do feel it is better to be an inanimate object sometimes. There seems to be no feelings, no pain, no disease and no worries. Of course there is no existence outside the physical range of things. There is no warmth or love of family and friends, no connections to reality and no thriving of life.
Yesterday, I saw another specialist at Emory in Atlanta. Apparently, my neuro-muscular disorder (LEMS) has worsened this year. My autoimmune issues are severe to very severe now. Surgery is out as the doctor said any surgery attempt would fail. My general mobility has weakened. I’m looking for a light wheelchair I can take easily in the car. The doctor was concerned about my driving. I will be driving a lot less now due to weakness in ankles. Maybe only very locally in emergency situations.
I don’t want any sympathy. I simply ask for prayer to make the right decisions. I feel it is important to spend the rest of my life enjoying time with family and friends while staying positive. I’ve always been a positive and upbeat person, but sometimes life can bring you down. Much thanks to my sister Janice who carries me to Atlanta and wheels me around Emory each time. She is a God-sent.
I don’t accept this disease and will continue on fighting it. I am a breast cancer survivor several years ago and I have lived six years since diagnosed with this disease. It is as if God is saying to me, “This too shall pass and you are okay.” I get tired of seeing doctors and specialists that don’t have the answers. I simply have come to the realization to let it be and be comforted in the fact that I have family surrounding me. Medical science can not change this condition nor cure it, but I still feel inside I can find a way to reverse it somehow and someway. I feel I will get better with time. Is that merely hopeful thinking?
I’ve finished writing my latest book, Saga of the Ages, but will not write another book until I get better control of my health issues. All I have to do now is make revisions/corrections/reviewing to the manuscript before submitting to the publisher. I ask for prayer in that direction too, in book sales and gaining notoriety as an author and writer.